I have been so pleased lately to find other moms blogging and pleased to know that I am not alone. I have a 7 and a 6 year old-parenting is not new-but now that I have the baby it’s like I’m a renewed mommy. I returned six weeks postpartum with Annabelle and Russell. They were in daycare all day. I look at my baby now (6 week old) and I can’t imagine having to leave him.
We recently moved to a new city and established care with a family doctor. We are blessed to have them (husband and wife team) since they are younger, progressive, and super communicative with us. I message my doctor all the time with what I categorize as ridiculously stupid questions. Seriously, Nicole?!?! I can’t believe myself.
I think they are rhetorical questions, more of a representation of my need for reassurance. It’s been almost eight years since I have had a newborn. Since then I’ve been through a hell of a lot:
- Abusive relationships
- Car accident
- Health deterioration
On on more positive note I have become more educated and I was an advocate and activist both politically and in my community. I feel like my education empowered me and helped me heal. Blogging was an outlet for me. I had a more political blog which featured blogs about my anger and my trials. I had to deactivate it and calm down after these elections.
Now that my life has settled (personally) I can look back and see where I should have adjusted and actually make those adjustments now. I don’t think I forgot how to mother; but I never thought that I would make another person.
Now I am in full mom mode. I am purchasing nursing clothes, getting ready for the long haul. I am exclusively breast feeding and we are doing it with a great milk production. I am joining mom groups on line for support and inspiration.
I really love being me again and part of me is being a mom. This did not happen overnight–I had to take an alone journey and heal. I truly hit rock bottom before I met a great man that is now my husband. He loves my kids like his own. I also have a great coparenting relationship with my ex. You can never be happy until you come to terms with yourself, make peace and love yourself. I had to face my fears: me, my choices, and my consequences.